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Army’s New Fat Standards Push Soldiers to the Edge! Rising Obesity Rates Threaten Disaster!

Now for the real news: The U.S. Army is facing a full-on flop due to flab. As the country’s obesity rates inflate, so does the expansion of our soldiers’ waistlines. According to the super fun CDC, a whopping 19% of active-duty members were rolling into obesity in 2020. In a desperate attempt to shrink these numbers, the Army implemented a new body fat standard test. Spoiler alert: it’s not working. The revamped “tape test” method is failing around 34% of soldiers, making boot camp more like a game of musical chairs. With 71% of young people too plump for enlistment, the future looks tighter than a pair of fatigues on Thanksgiving Day. Sergeant Major Christopher Stevens expresses some serious concern while the Army keeps the situation hush-hush. Well, that’s all I’ve got. Get the rest, tap the link in our bio.

Next News Network Team

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