Next News Network

Turn on your TV, you might catch the distress signal. CNN’s viewership is trailing off the charts. Even the brouhaha surrounding Trump’s trials, a usually enticing spectacle, failed to rescue the network’s prime time ratings. Last week, they staggeringly plummeted to a 30-year low with a meager 83,000 viewers from the critical 25-54 demographic.

To give you an idea of how dreadful this is, here are some peculiarly common things that far outnumber CNN’s key demo viewership.

First up, speedcubing! It’s a thing and it’s larger than CNN’s audience. The World Cube Association, the go-to gang for competitive Rubik’s Cube enthusiasts, boast of over 200,000 registered avid competitors.

Next, professional psychics. America has 96,000 of them. And yes, CNN boasts hundreds of professional journalists. Ironic, isn’t it?

Do you know what heterochromia is? It’s a rare condition where each eye is a different color. Now get this: there are over 200,000 individuals in the U.S. with heterochromia. To use this as a barometer, you’re twice more likely to know someone with heterochromia than knowing someone who tunes into CNN on a weeknight.

Were you aware of the Miami Conga Line of 1988? 119,986 people once danced their way into the Guinness Book of Records with this feat, overshadowing CNN’s viewership numbers, that too by dancing.

Let’s talk ecology. The North American Wild Bighorn sheep population was once on the verge of extinction, but has since recovered to around 85,000. A victory for conservationists, a defeat for CNN.

A regular women’s volleyball match in Omaha, Nebraska, drew a crowd of 92,000 spectators last year, a larger crowd than CNN attracts during prime time.

New Delhi’s registered bicycle rickshaws: 99,000, CNN’s prime time ratings: 83,000. Need we say more?

America lobs out hundreds of thousands of unwanted tennis balls each day, some are lousy serves, some ran their course, just like CNN’s prime time ratings.

Annually American hospitals see an estimated 90,000 women choosing breast reduction surgery. Yes, that number is the same as CNN’s prime time viewers.

Around 127,000 women in the US operate forklifts as a profession. Would you look at that, even more than CNN’s viewers?

Lastly, there’s a guy named Justin Y. His YouTube channel has no content. Yet, he has a staggering 784,000 subscribers. I’ll let you join the dots.

To wrap it up, it’s crystal clear: Whether it’s speedcubing, eyeball color, dancing, or watching a screen with no content, everything’s more popular than CNN’s prime time slot. From average Americans to endangered animals, from unconventional professions to medical decisions, it seems everyone – and everything – is choosing to stay a mile away from CNN these days.

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