June 20, 2023

Now for the real news, a thriller fresh out of Baltimore! Two pro-life heroes peacefully praying near Planned Parenthood find themselves in a WWE-style smackdown! The villain? A bearded guy in a gray tee, blue jeans, and brown shoes. He not only tackles one advocate, Dick Schaefer, into a flower pot but also bashes Mark Crosby’s face like it’s a piñata—at a kid’s birthday party. Now, the Baltimore Police Department is offering a $2,000 reward for info on the not-so-gentle giant. Resilience personified, Crosby and Schaefer are back at it, refusing to let their harrowing experience derail their sidewalk ministry. And that’s all I’ve got. Get the rest, tap the link in our bio.

Now for the real news: the ACLU is apparently grieving over Florida’s execution of killer and rapist Duane Owen. Why? He didn’t get transgender surgery, poor baby! That’s right, folks – the ACLU tweeted about the “enormous suffering” Owen experienced, completely disregarding the two lives he inhumanely snuffed out. Ironically, psychiatrists testified that Owen faked schizophrenia and showed no signs of gender dysphoria. Damage control, anyone? The Supreme Court rejected pleas of dementia and psychotic delusions, siding with Governor Ron DeSantis’s execution order. Thankfully, justice has been served, bringing closure to the victims’ families. But the loopy left’s priorities, defending criminals over innocent lives, remain baffling. Honestly, that’s all I’ve got. Get the rest, tap the link in our bio.

Now for the real news, step aside Humpty-Dumpty, President Biden’s got a lesson in boundary crossing. The “Hugging Professor” was hands-on with Eva Longoria at a White House event. Eva double-teamed with discomfort and cringe as she firmly pushed his paws away. Social media caught fire like Biden’s wandering hands, and critics now question his stance on respecting women. Poor Joe botched a joke about knowing Eva since she was 17, brutally reminded that silence isn’t always golden. This not-so-presidential performance left Americans questioning their leader’s conduct, and #MeToo’s eyes zoom into the Oval Office. Will there be accountability? Who knows, that’s all I’ve got. Get the rest, tap the link in our bio.

Now for the real news: John Durham, Trump’s Special Counsel, is about to air the FBI’s dirty laundry. That’s right, folks, get ready to see the moose out of its cage. Durham’s explosive testimony will expose the false Trump-Russia collusion, highlighting how the Clinton campaign played everyone like a fiddle. Poor fiddles. Congressman Michael Turner’s message? People, you just got punk’d by your own government. The House Intelligence Committee must now scramble to fix the mess and restore trust in democracy, like Bob the Builder. Remember the discredited Steele Dossier? That’s the shaky foundation upon which the FBI built its Crossfire Hurricane investigation. The result? An undermined trust in our justice system and government. Let’s see what happens next, as Durham spills the beans in the House. And that’s all I’ve got. Get the rest, tap the link in our bio.

Now for the real news, Biden’s got folks baffled again. This time, he said adding a brace to a pistol magically turns it into a high-caliber weapon. Cue the eye rolls, especially from conservative icon Dana Loesch, who roasted him as the grandmaster of gun gobbledygook. Twitter sharks swarmed, too, with users taking jabs at his hilariously wrong assertions. Even politicians chimed in with sarcastic aghastness – “elder abuse” much? Don’t be fooled, though. Behind the laughter, conservatives wear their serious faces, warning of Democrats wielding power with little knowledge. In the end, it’s just another uproarious chapter in the gun control saga. On that note, that’s all I’ve got. Get the rest, tap the link in our bio.